From the Outside Looking In
by GGforever01
Summary: Ana is a single mom of 3 children. While training the management team at GEH Ana is introduced to Christian Gray, the CEO. Will Christian be able to change the lifestyle he has had for almost 20 years and embrace a relationship with a single mother of 3 young children? And how will the ghost of her first husband haunt and help Ana move forward with her life.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary:** Ana is a single mom of 3 children. When her husband suddenly dies, she moves her and her young children to Seattle to be closer to her best friend Gwen. Gwen is able to get Ana a job in the training department of GEH through her wife Roz. While training the management team Ana is introduced to Christian Gray, the CEO. Will Christian be able to change the lifestyle he has had for almost 20 years and embrace a relationship with a single mother of 3 young children? And how will the ghost of her first husband haunt and help Ana move forward with her life.

Disclaimer: I do not own FSOG, I am not EL James, I am just using some of her characters, the plot is mine.

 **August 2020**

I am surrounded by darkness. I know I am walking but I can't see anything, just a slow burning light ahead. Walking toward the light I notice I am in a hallway. I see pictures of my family. I see my wedding picture, I look so young, so innocent. I see my lovely wife, she took my breath away when I was only 17, and even after all of these years, she still takes my breath away. There is collage of pictures of us in high school, her in her cheer-leading uniform sitting on my lap at the homecoming rally senior year. Us in our graduation caps and gowns from both high school and college. We look so happy and carefree in these pictures, like nothing else mattered in the world as long as we had each other. I see A picture of her pregnant with our daughter. We were both so excited and terrified at the same time. We were only 26, but we knew we wanted a family and that growing bump she he was the start of that family. I remember her telling me she was pregnant, I think this was the only time I had bourbon with breakfast. I was shocked that it happened so fast. I see baby pictures of my baby girl Juliette, so playful and full of life, always on the go. My all-time favorite, me and Juliette at the hospital the day after she was born, I am leaning down gently kissing her forehead. She was so small and fragile, but I knew the instant she was born that I would do anything to protect her and keep her safe and happy. Further down the hall I see pictures of my love pregnant with our first son, than our second. I remember doing a fist bump in the doctor's office when she told me I was having a boy. I love my daughter but knowing I was having a boy was a different feeling. I pictured playing catch with him and watching him play football, someone to go hunting and fishing with, someone to pass down my name to. The news of a second boy two years later was just icing on the cake. I see pictures of our three kids playing in the bath, and climbing on the jungle gym that took me days to put together and more band aids and beer than I care to admit. I see a lifetime of love, laughter and memories in that hallway. Then one picture catches my eye, it is my son Ayden on his 5th birthday. It is a train birthday and he is in the caboose of a train, conductor's hat and all. His smile is radiant, and his joyous demeanor is copied by his younger brother Bradley and his older sister. But this picture has to be wrong, Ayden is just about to turn 4, he can't be five. Frantically, I am looking for more pictures when I hear the giggles and laughing of my children coming from outside.

Making my way outside and to the meadow, I see my three children playing tag with each other. Everyone always thought we were crazy when we had our children each two years apart, but I trusted my wife's opinion when she said they would play better together if they were closer. And looking at them now, I know my wife was right once again. They look older, Juliette looks to be almost 10, and the boys look to be about 8 and 6. Then I see her. She is walking closer to me. Her long chestnut hair is lightly curled and blowing in the slight breeze. She looks like an angel waking in the tall grass in her long white summer dress. Her smile is still infectious and it still gives me Goosebumps. Walking toward her I notice that she is holding the hand of a small child, no older than 2, another boy. He has copper curly hair and steel gray eyes. He looks like my children, but different too, I know in my heart he is not mine but somehow related. Maybe my brother and his wife finally decided to have children. She looks deep in conversation with the little boy, who is jumping and hopping all over the place while Ana continues to listen patiently and respond when appropriate. When she turns to look at a bug the little boy found,, I notice her long summer maxi dress is covering a small baby bump. I thought we were done after the boys, but by the look of it, she is about 4 months along and as beautiful as the first time I saw her. She has always taken by breath away, her beauty is only increased because of her innocence, she is completely unaware at how beautiful she really is. However when she is pregnant her beauty shines even more brightly. Being a mom suited Ana, being a father was harder for me, but she always made me realize that I could do it. Standing next to a large oak tree I observe my family at its best. They are together, healthy and more than anything they are happy.

I try to call out to my wife, but it is like she cannot hear me.

"Ana"

Again a little louder this time, "Ana baby"

Once more "Anastasia" I know she hates it when I call her that.

But no response. I am trying to walk toward her, but it seems like they just get further away, just out of my grasp. I am starting to panic, my heart is racing and I can feel by breathing become more rapid. I can't reach my family; I can't protect them if I am not with them. I hunch over and start to count, hopefully trying to calm myself down so I can think logically about this.

Then I hear her say, "kids, let's get back inside, daddy will be home soon, and I have his favorite cooking for dinner".

I try to yell out to her that I am right here, to just turn around.

"Turn around Ana, I am right here, I am always right behind you"

But I see my family walking back toward the house and walking inside. I gasp momentarily when at the top of the steps, Ana stoops and looks back like she hears me, but she just shakes her head and goes through the door. I stand there stunned, it was like they did not see me, they walked right by me like I did not exist. What happened to my family. As I am standing dumbfounded by that oak tree I see an unfamiliar black SUV drive down the driveway. When it stops in front of the house, I see the shadow of a man exit the rear passenger seat and walk into the house, the same house where my family is. I could not see what he likes like, but by observing the bounce in his step, he was in a hurry to see what was behind that front door, my family.

For some reason, I was not angry, confused and panicked, yes, but why was I not angry that another man was in my house, and why could my family walk right past me. Was I invisible to them?

Then it all came rushing back to me, a flood of snippets flashed by my eyes in seconds, the screaming, the sound of shattering glass and crunching metal, the headlights of the other cars and the panicked look on my wife's face as she was desperately trying to talk to me. My family could not see me, I left them too early, I was gone, and my family was still here.

AN- should I continue?


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own FSOG, I am not EL James, I am just using some of her characters, the plot is mine.

A/N: I just wanted to say how thankful I am for all of the response from my first Chapter. This is my first time publishing anything that I have written and I was beyond nervous to see what others thought of it. I have had this idea swimming around in my head for months, and have already written snippets and random paragraphs as they come to me. This will be a slower burning story, it will be a HEA, but Ana has three small children and only lost her husband a little over a year ago. Both characters will have to overcome some obstacles before they can establish a solid relationship. It will mostly be told from Ana and Christians POV, with the other supporting characters giving their POV at random times. You will see Adam's POV coming up randomly at different times in the story as well as a few flashbacks from both Ana and Christians past. There will be no cheating in this story. I know where I want the story to go, but I am always open to suggestions of places people want to see the story go. Thank you so much for being so supportive!

GGForever01

 **Chapter 2: Can I do this**

"Gwen, I think you have been married to Roz for too long"

"Ana, just think about it, this plan is brilliant"

"I don't know Gwen"

Ana sat on her bed, talking to her best friend of 25 years during one of their bi-weekly Skype sessions. It was hard with Gwen being in Seattle and Ana still in Cambridge, but they had been best friends since elementary school and 3000 miles would not break that bond.

"Think about it Ana. It is a fresh start, a new city, new people and an amazing support system"

"But our families are here, I have a house, a job, the kids are in school, soccer, baseball and Girl Scouts"

"But Carla and Adam's parents are driving you insane. Every time I talk to you it is always something different that they are complaining about you doing wrong with your kids"

That was a fact, in the fifteen months that had passed since Adams death, her mom Carla and her in-laws were always quick to judge and criticize how she was raising her three children. Although critical and quite vocal about it, neither set of parents had offered to help out on a regular basis. All of that stress added with the pain of losing someone so close was bringing Ana closer to her breaking point. And her best friend could see that something needed to be done.

"So I should just quit my job, sell he house, pull the kids from school, and say fuck it all and move 3000 miles across the U.S. To Seattle to be closer to you and Roz?"

"Yes"

"Oh, you make it sound so easy" Ana stated sarcastically as she continued to sip, now more like gulp her wine.

"Ana, remember, you and Adam had a plan, he knew something like this would happen if he was not around. He wanted you to get away from all of the pressure and judgments he knew his parents would have, and we know how Carla is. He wanted you to make a fresh start somewhere away from it all. You are an amazing mother and what you are doing is nothing more than a miracle, but those people are starting to make you doubt yourself and your ability to raise your own children. You need to get away from them before you become a shell of the self-confident amazing person I know you are"

Ana sat on her bed and let what Gwen was saying really sink in. In the past fifteen months she had lost almost all of her self-confidence, it was coming to the point where she was even starting to doubt her confidence when she was teaching her seminars, and that had to stop. She had noticed more fighting and outbursts between the kids as well, but chalked it up to them each dealing with the death of their father in different ways, but maybe it was more than that. Her in-laws and her mother were never subtle or discreet when they had an opinion or objected in one way or another to how she was raising her children, and more often than not these opinions where shared in front of her children. As a result her two oldest children, Juliette and Ayden started questioning her as well. The more she thought about it, maybe a change of scenery would not be so bad.

"Hello, Ana are you still there"

"Sorry Gwen I was just thinking"

"I am taking the 5 minutes of silence on your end as a good thing?"

" I still don't know, what would I do about the house here, I would need a job, a place to live, would I even be able to enroll the kids in school, and preschool for Bradley, I would need to find new doctors and dentists as well as a new soccer team for Juliette and baseball teams for the boys. I would need to research neighborhoods and schools, and what does the job market look like there anyway?"

"Wow, calm down there Ana. You are talking a million miles a minute. Are you forgetting that your best friend lives in Seattle? It is June, the kids just got out of school, and I can call in a few favors. What is the point of being the principal at one of the best schools in Washington, if I cannot use it to get my godchildren enrolled here? Juliette and Ayden will be right here with me and our preschool next door will take Bradley in the fall after he turns 3. That way if they get sick, hurt or have a bad day, Auntie Gwen will be right here to help you. I am here to help you Ana. That is what you are missing right now. You have no one who you can turn to without the fear of criticism. You are a teacher at Yale for fucks sake; you can get a job here. I happen to know someone who works for one of the biggest companies in Seattle who was just complaining to me last night that they needed to implement a new training team, and as for the house, you can live with us."

"Well as nice as it sounds, I think that the kids would drive Roz crazy. Can you imagine if the kids got a hold of her shoe collection and some paint? I think your wife would have a stroke if she came home and the kids were stomping around in her Louis Vuitton shoes in the mud or using them for painting. And you cannot expect her to get me a job at her company. Come on Gwen let's be realistic"

"I am Ana, just last night she came home complaining that they were losing another company because some of the management staff had no idea how to deal with conflict during the acquisition process. You are an amazing professor, but we both know that you love teaching in the corporate setting. I have never seen someone so confident and able to effectively diffuse conflict in the workplace as you. You are a master negotiator and more importantly you are able to teach those hard headed stubborn as fuck men how to negotiate better and more effectively for the benefit of the company, you are not intimidated my anyone and you can teach the most stubborn of businessmen. They need you. GEH might not know that they need you yet, but they do. And it will save me from having to listen to my wife vent every time this happens. Please Ana?"

"Yes Gwen, I love teaching my seminar classes, but those are usually only week long classes at the most, it is not a permanent job, which is why I started teaching. As much as I would love to go back to working sporadically, I am responsible for three children now. And although they may be small, my children like to eat and they eat a lot!"

"Then take a sabbatical from Yale. I know that 2 years ago you were always talking about writing a book to go along with your seminar classes. Take a sabbatical, come here for a year, teach a few seminars, write your book and see where it goes. That way, in a year if you still want to go back to New Haven, you can. You will still have a job and a house. I know that you paid off the house with part of the life insurance money, so it can sit vacant if you don't want anyone else there. Just try it for a year Ana?"

Ana had never seen her best friend beg before. She must be serious. Was she so lost that her best friend was practically begging her to move 3000 away just so she could take care of her.

"Let me sleep on it Gwen and I will get back to you"

"Just think about it Ana, it will do you and the kids some good to get away from it all"

"Goodnight Gwen"

"Goodnight Ana"

Can I do this? Am I strong enough to do this? Move myself across the country to a city I know nothing about, with no family? As scary as the prospect is, it is exciting to think of starting fresh. I have lived in this city my entire life; it is all that I know. Starting fresh in a new city, a new home, a new job is exhilarating. I never had the chance or the want to spread my wings when I was younger, but now in my mid 30's I think it might be the thing that keeps my family together. As much as I hate to admit it, Gwen is right. I am surrounded by family, but I am entirely alone. I hate asking for help from them because every time I do, I have to listen to them go on and on about what I am doing wrong and what I need to do to raise my children the right way. It was always this way, but Adam did a lot to shield me from all of his parent's opinions and often buffered the truth from me. I still remember the look on their faces when we told them I quit my job to be a stay at home mom. I had to listen to months of my mother in law telling me that I was making the wrong decision, I would want my independence back, I would want my own money, then when that did not work, she started going on and on about how it was going to be so hard on her son to support his family and how much of a burden I was putting on him and how disrespectful and horrible wife I was being. After listening to me cry myself to sleep once again after having lunch with his mother, Adam had enough and showed his mom the financial spreadsheet we made that showed with 2 kids in daycare and me working, I would only be working for $32 a week. He was hoping that showing her that would finally bridge some peace between us, but it only lasted so long. It was not long after my second child was born that she started to stop by unexpectedly, and then proceed to inspect the house. She somehow expected my house to be immaculate at all hours of the day with a newborn and a 2 year old. I eventually moved the playroom upstairs and would just hide there when I saw her car drive up the driveway. Thankfully she was never given the spare key that she always requested. My house was usually clean, but there were days when the dishes and laundry would pile up until after bedtime, because both Adam and I agreed that my job was to be with the kids, and that meant playing with them, making play dough, finger painting in the sunroom and day trips to the nature reserve or the city zoo. And it was these things that took priority over housework and laundry.

Closing my laptop and taking my now empty glass of wine to the kitchen sink, I decide to check on the kids one last time before bed. I look in Ayden's room first and am not surprised to see is bed empty, next I look in Bradley's room and his bed is empty too. The last room down the hall is Juliette's, I slowly open her door and that is when I see it. The same sight that I have seen for the past six months, all of my kids cuddled together in Juliette's bed. The reading light is still on and the chapter book is open on her lap, but all three are fast asleep. My eyes fled with tears, I slowly take the book from her lap and mark their place with her favorite picture. A picture taken just after Bradley's first birthday, Adam with all 3 kids laying in Juliette's bed while he was reading them all a good night story. After Adam passed, Juliette continued the tradition and would read to her brothers in her bed (or my bed for those first few months). It was a tradition that she took over instinctively. My kids have each other and that bond is stronger that any siblings I have ever seen. Kissing each of them I turn out the light, and say goodnight.

I take the wine glass from the sink and fill it back up again; I call the dog and put on my coat to venture outside. It is a crisp summer night and the stars are shining brightly. So I take my now full wine glass and sit on the back porch swing to look up at the stars.

"Can I do this Adam". I know he cannot respond, but somehow I feel him. I know our dog Shep can feel it too, because I can hear him quietly growling on my lap, but I know no one is around. After a few more pets of his head, my 115lb "lap dog" is now fast asleep and happy.

"Am I strong enough to do this? Oh how I wish you were here. I miss you Adam, our kids miss you. Why did you have to leave?" The last statement was at a whisper as my tears over come me once more. I have lost count of how many times I let myself cry on our back porch at night. It is the only time during the day when I let myself feel weak. I have to put on a happy face for my children, my parents and my students during the day. But it is here, on our back porch, looking up at the stars when I let myself feel weak and give into grief. Shep is always at my side. The dog that Adam found wandering around the shoreline on a random fishing trip is my rock and my protector. Somehow he knew when Adam was gone and his guarding instinct is now in hyper drive. But he keeps us safe and keeps me warm when I let myself fall asleep crying on the porch swing.

Before heading inside, I send Gwen a text:

 **"Work your magic on Roz, Seattle here we come! You might want to hide the Louis Vuitton shoes"**

Walking back into the house, I pause at the backdoor when I swear I can hear Adams voice, "You can do this Ana, you are the strongest person I know, I love you."

I close my eyes, and let the Goosebumps over take me. I know he is not here, but sometimes I can just feel his presence and I am more at peace.

Before turning out the light in my room, I check my phone one last time and see a text from Gwen:

 **"Start packing! I am putting on the lingerie now and have the wine on ice, Roz will agree to anything when I wear stockings and fuck me pumps"**

Hopefully I am making the right move.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own FSOG, I am not EL James, I am just using some of her characters, the plot is mine.

A/N: I just wanted to say how thankful I am for all of the response from my first two chapters. This will be a slower burning story, it will be a HEA, but Ana has three small children and only lost her husband a little over a year ago. Both characters will have to overcome some obstacles before they can establish a solid relationship. It will mostly be told from Ana and Christians POV, with the other supporting characters giving their POV at random times. I will update as often as possible, but it seems like some chapters come with greater ease than others. I usually do most of my writing during middle of the night feedings with my son and naptime. I do have three small children, and as much as I would love to lock myself away and write all day, my main priority is to be mom. I will try to update once a week at the least hopefully twice a week. I have snippets and paragraphs written as well as a basic story outline, but I am always open for suggestions or comments. Christian and Ana are older in this story, Ana is 33 and Christian is 37. Not old, but older than they are in the books. I have gone and fixed my mistakes from the last chapter. Ana lived in New Haven and is a professor at Yale, not Cambridge. Thank you so much for being so supportive!

GGForever01

 **Chapter 3: Revelations**

"My dick is broken" I say in an exasperated sign plopping down on Flynn's couch.

"Now Christian why would you say that, you are 37 years old, I highly doubt that this is a permanent problem"

"Flynn, how long have I been coming to you, 15 years? And in all that time have you ever heard me complain that I have had a problem performing. Most of the time I am here on Mondays my dick is sore from being overworked by my latest submissive. I could get hard just thinking about my submissive tied up to the St. Andrews cross and blindfolded, then fuck her for hours. Hours Flynn, and now I cannot even get a semi looking at a fully naked woman lying on the bed in that room. "

Flynn now has put his glasses on the table and is rubbing his temples.

"Christian this is not a new problem; you have stated that you have noticed a difference a while ago, what has changed?"

"Flynn, it has been 9 month, 16 days and 12 hours since my dick has even been at attention. I don't even want to think about when the last time I was able to climax, and that was with my own hand. It is been almost 2 years since I have been with a woman. I think I am dying"

"Christian, you are not dying, have you seen a doctor about your problem"

"No Flynn, I have not seen a doctor!" I state, while slamming my fist on the couch while getting up to pace. I am now frantically running my fingers through my hair, slightly tugging on the ends. A habit I must have inherited by my father Carrick since I have seen him do the same thing in bouts of frustration.

"Of course I have seen a doctor Flynn, I have seen dozens of doctors and they all say that I am fine. I even got some little blue pills from one of them, and those damn things did not even work"

"Well it might not be the most conventional thing, but what about some hired help". Flynn had replaced his glasses to their rightful place on his face and was now tapping his pen on his legal pad.

"Hired help Flynn, is that is discrete way of telling me that I should just hire a hooker or an escort?"

"While I technically cannot suggest that you do something illegal, off the record, yes Christian that is what I am saying"

"Flynn I have tried it all. I got a gorgeous escort from this city's most elite and discrete service. I mean she was stunning, just how I like them, brunette, slim figure and long hair, she was perfect in every way and all I thought about was yelling at her asking why she was selling herself for sex when she should be doing something more". Christian stopped pacing and sat back down on the couch with his head in his hands. "Flynn, this girl was naked in my bed, perfect tits just staring at me wanting to be caressed and loved, toned flat stomach and long gorgeous legs spread wide just asking for me to kiss every inch of them. She was a former dancer Flynn, flexible and probably able to get into any position I wanted and she had expressed her need to get fucked hard. And there I was as limp as I would be seeing my grandma naked. I need to have sex Flynn, I need to take someone in my playroom, tie them to the bed and fuck them for hours. But that is impossible to do when I can't even get it up. He just lays there now, limp and sad. It is like my dick has officially left my body and found someone else, but I am still here"

"Ok Christian, let's start from the beginning, who was the last woman you were with and when did you start to notice a decrease in your libido"

 **2 years ago- June 2014**

"Susannah please be in the playroom in position in 30 minutes."

Susannah was my submissive at the time. She fit all of my requirements and was blue to handle the pain without safe wording once in the 9 months that we had our contractual relationship. She was even able to accommodate my changing mood and increased need due to the additional family meetings I had to attend. Nine months ago my baby sister Mia announced she was pregnant with her and her husband Logan's first child. My sister was ecstatic as well as my parents, this being their first grandchild and all. My brother Elliot and I were happy for her, but both of us did not want to picture our baby sister having sex. Yes she had been married for over a year and with her husband for years before that, but for some reasons I still had my reservations when it came to him. Nonetheless with her pregnancy my presence was requested at additional family functions and with increased family functions the pressure was on both my brother and I to "settle down", have a family, etc. My parents, and extended family was always cautious to not mention finding a "wife" to me. They would always mention finding a "partner" or "someone to spend the rest of my life with". Although discreet, I know my family always thought I was gay, and honestly it was easier to not correct them, it meant I had less pressure to bring dates to social gatherings or holidays. That was the way I liked it. My family did not know nor did they need to know that after these functions I went back home and worked over my current submissive for hours in the playroom. Taking out all of my frustrations out on them with the whip, cane or flogger. My parents thought I was celibate, while I had had 23 submissives and countless other partners at BDSM clubs in the cities I frequented on business.

It was June 7th, Susannah had just finished making me breakfast before departing to the playroom once again. She had been my sub for the past nine months and surprisingly the arraignment was still working for the both of us. I was just finishing up my coffee and paper and was deep in thought thinking about the various scenes that we would partake in over the next 24 hours when I got an unexpected phone call.

"Gray" I answered abruptly, being frustrated that my weekend was being bothered by yet another person wanting my time.

"Christian Trevelyn-Gray, what did I say about answering your phone like that"

"Sorry Mother, Good Morning, what can I do for you?"

"Now that was much better. I need you to get a hold of your brother and head to the hospital"

"Hospital! Mom, is everything ok, is it dad, what about grandma and grandpa", I am now out of the kitchen and making my way to my bedroom to get dressed.

"Everything is great Christian, Mia called us early this morning, she is in Labor. Your niece or nephew will be here sometime today, and she wants the entire family to be here when they announce if it is a boy or a girl"

Although annoyed that the scenes I have been planning all week will have to be postponed, I have always had a weak spot for my baby sister and will cave to her demands.

"Give me 45 minutes mom and Elliot and I will be there." Praying that my big brother is either at his house with his latest conquest or already back at his house from doing the walk of shame the night before. I had no desire to try and track my brother down for whatever flavor of the nights house he crashed at. Elliot although turning 40 next year, still have the libido of a 20 year old man. And even though he keeps getting older, he always says that the girls stay the same age.

"Thanks Christian, I know that Mia will want both of you here"

"Wow, so my baby sister is having a baby, which makes me feel old"

"Christian, you are not old, yes she is having a baby, and if sometime you want that you can have it too"

"Thanks mom, but let's just focus on Mia and welcoming the newest Gray into the family, see you soon"

Three hours later the newest member of my Family arrived. Ava Grace was brought into this world screaming. Although I was thoroughly annoyed that I had to wait for hours with my family when I could have been fucking Susannah for hours in my playroom, I know that my mother would never forgive me if I was not here. Not to mention the wrath I would have to endure from Mia, no thank you. I will just make sure that I am able to see Susannah one extra day this week. I was about to leave the hospital when Mia's husband Logan stopped me.

"Christian, Mia really wants a picture of you holding Ava before you leave."

"Logan I am really busy, I really have to go" In all honesty holding a baby scared the shit out of me. The only baby that I had ever held was Mia and I was only 6 when she was born.

"Please Christian, Mia has a picture of you and her on her desk, it was taken the day she was brought home, and she had said more than once that one of my jobs was to make sure that her child had a picture of them and Uncle Christian on the day that they were born."

Once again my fear of the wrath of Mia and my mom Grace, wins out and I begrudgingly head back toward the maternity ward and to my niece.

She is bundled in a blanket, I can tell that it is a hospital blanket, because knowing my sister, once she can, that girl will be in all pink. She is sleeping and looks so peaceful. How something so small can be so beautiful is beyond me. But as soon as I saw my niece Ava, I was a goner. I knew just like her mother; she would be wrapped around my finger. I slowly walked over to the bassinet and started to pick her up. Groggily my sister Mia reminded me to support her head.

"Hi Ava, I am your Uncle Christian. You are going to hate me when you are older, me along with your dad and Elliot are going to make sure that all the boys stay away and you never get a chance to date. Don't worry, I use to do the same thing with your mommy, and she met your daddy, so you will be just fine." Although she was sleeping, I felt compelled to protect her, just like I did with Mia when she was little. It is an instinctive reaction that I have only felt twice in my life, the overwhelming need and desire to protect someone. I remember the first words that I spoke since I was adopted, "Mia safe". Those two words were the first words that I spoke in 2 years, and it happened the day that Mia was brought home. Now over 30 years later, that overwhelming need has returned, and now I am chanting in my head, "Ava Safe"

Then it happened, she woke up.

I momentarily froze thinking that she was going to start screaming her head off, but she just looked up at me. She had these big blue eyes like Mia but her father's dark brown hair and now her hand was tightly gripping my right pinky finger. I had a vision of what she would look like in 23 years. She would probably be petite like Mia, but she would still have those eyes and her brown hair. Then it hit me like a fucking freight train, she would look almost identical to my current submissive and eerily similar to all of the ones that I have had in the past. That is when my stomach started to churn, I had all of these visions pass through my head like a rapid fire slideshow, of Ava in someone's playroom. She was being restrained, whipped and caned and there were red marks and welts all across her body. She was on the St. Andrews cross, handcuffed to the four posted bed and on the spanking bench all while blind folded and gagged. The thought of someone dominating and marking my perfect niece, made me violently ill. I was able to pass off Ava safety to Mia, and get myself safety into the bathroom when I emptied the contents of my stomach into the toilet over and over again. Once I thought I was done, the image of my baby niece in the positions that I have put some of my submissives in just this morning was enough to start the process over again. Once I was able to regain my composure again, I told Mia and Logan that I must of just ate something bad for lunch and excuse myself as fast as possible.

Upon my return to Escala, I was looking forward to a night trying to forget all of those images in my head by drowning my sorrows in a bottle of scotch, but I was shocked when the elevator door opened.

There waiting in my living room was Susannah. She was dressed in here robe and was in the submissive position on the floor waiting for me. I walked up to her, and was immediately in my Dominate mode and quite excited to be in control once again.

"Stand up Susannah"

She obeyed my directions and stood in her spot, head lowered and eyes fixed on the floor below her. "Look at me Susannah"

She looked up at me and visions of Ava flashed before my eyes. I had visions of her being someone's submissive, and the churning in my stomach started once again.

After what seemed like forever, I was able to compose myself just enough to re-enter the main room. There stood Susannah, in the same spot I left her 45 minutes ago.

"Susannah look at me"

"Yes sir"

"I'm sorry Susannah, but I am going to have to end our contract"

"but..but I do not understand sir, have I done something to displease you?"

"No Susannah, you have been perfect, but due to some recent events, I am going to have to take some time away from the lifestyle " and have some serious sessions with Dr. Flynn, he is going to have a field day with this information and with the extra sessions that I know I am going to need, he might be able to get a vacation home. "I will contact you in a few weeks if I want to re-establish our contract"

She looked stunned, hurt and sad. Her blue eyes were brimming with tears, and for some reason, it hurt my heart. I have had plenty of subs cry when our contact ended, but given the emotional day I have had, I did not want to or deal with any breakdown of sort.

"Taylor will help you with your bags from this weekend, and he will send you your other items from the bedroom on Monday" And with that, I turned and headed toward my office, knowing that I would not be disturbed again.

 **Present day- June 2016**

"Why did you never tell me about that Christian?"

"Later on that night I got the phone call about our Chinese shipping difficulties and I was gone overseas for 8 weeks. I think in that time I mentally blocked out what had happened. It repulsed me to such an extent that I think I am not impotent"

"Well we have a start Christian; at least we know what was the straw that broke the camel's back so to say. Now we just need to figure out a way to fix the problem"

"Flynn, I am paying you a fortune, you need to fix me! My dick needs to come back to life, I feel like I am going crazy over here"

"Well our time is almost done for today, let me look into some new techniques I was reading about and we can start to formulate a plan next week"

Leaving Flynn's office I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders and I swore I thought my dick twitched just a little. There was hope after all, maybe instead of fifty one shades of fucked up, I was just fifty shades.


End file.
